A Cliché “Hits and Misses of 2013” List

20 Dec

At least it’s not another “Best Albums” list…

HITS:

1. 2 Chainz “Birthday Song” video (special shout out to Kanye’s skirt)

2. Depeche Mode’s September Barclays Center concert (I cried. I died.)

3. Lady Gaga on SNL (and, by association R. Kelly on SNL)

4. Robin Thicke’s striped referee suit, making appearances at the VMAs and in his “Give It 2 U” video.

5. John Newman (The male Adele)

6. The horses in Kanye West’s “Bound 2” video

7. Schoolboy Q’s verse in Macklemore’s “White Walls”

8. The YouTube comments on Justin Bieber’s “All That Matters” video

9. Iggy Azalea

10. Miley Cyrus

MISSES:

1. Justin Bieber’s tattoo of “Selena Gomez” (questionable)

2. Justin Bieber’s “All That Matters” video (special shout out to Justin trying to wear a skirt)

3. Robin Thicke, as a person.

4. Hashtags as song titles (ie. “#Beautiful,” “#THATPOWER,” “#GETITRIGHT,” etc.)

5. The Harlem Shake😦

6. One Direction being sued by Def Leppard over ”Midnight Memories” sounding like “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (Also The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” and “Best Song Ever,” but duh.)

7. The latest iteration of Nelly’s career (see: “Hey Porsche” and his part in Florida Georgia Line’s “Cruise”)

8. Justin Timberlake’s entire 20/20 Experience (except “Mirrors.”)

9. Lil Wayne signing Paris Hilton, then collaborating with her.

10. Also Miley Cyrus

***Disclaimer: this was directly copied and pasted out of my work Outlook account since I had to make this for my job anyway. Oops. Sry. Original content coming soon, I promise❤ xoxoxo

Rihanna Releases New Video, Uses Strippers to Distract From Bad Wig

4 Oct

I was about to be 110% on board with this video (we’re talking elaborate pole dances, rhinestone pasties and a lot of naked butts), but Rihanna’s blond wig/grandma sunglasses combo is so whack that I can’t even go there. RiRi, like, don’t you pay people to dress and style you? Someone should lose their job.

FINALLY, All the Details On the New AFI Album: ‘Burials’ Out 10/22 with Fall Tour

23 Jul

It’s called Burials! It’s coming out October 22!

A lot’s been happening in the last few weeks/months, so I’ma break it down for you:

April 17: AFI upload this video to their YouTube account out of the blue. At this point, it’d been over three years of silence, rumors of a breakup and a dead URL that redirects to their Facebook page. Watch below:

May 15 – July 2: The random video uploads continue in the form of a series of five cryptic teaser videos that wind up seeming a lot more substantive than they actually are: “Convergence,” “No Harbingers,” “Openings,” “Silence,” and “The Rite.” The OMB (Official Message Board) freaks out and thinks it’s the beginning of a new Clandestine-style mystery, but ultimately find nothing.

July 1: Our friend Aaron Axelsen (the Live 105 God and AFI BFF) reportedly slips up and Tweets to a fan that he’s expecting a new AFI single, “17 Crimes,” to be promoted to radio in early August. The Tweet is later deleted. MTV reveals later that same day that an LA Riots remix of “17 Crimes” is confirmed to be on the soundtrack for upcoming teen fantasy flick The Mortal Instruments.

July 13: AFI News HQ reports on rumors of another upcoming single called “I Hope You Suffer.” The track appeared in an Amazon search, complete with album art and a release date of July 23. Universal Republic’s Norwegian site confirms.

July 15: A new Mortal Instruments TV spot is released, featuring what sounds a lot like an AFI song – and not a dance remix. Watch (and hear) below:

July 16: AFI News HQ reports that the band is shooting a new music video!(!!!!) Someone on Instagram (presumably from the production company) posted pics from the set, and they’re tagged “#IHopeYouSuffer”

July 17: Members of the AFI mailing list got this blast early in the morning. What does it mean?????

The weird symbols spell out “I Hope You Suffer,” which unofficially confirms the name of the lead single…

July 18: After hours upon hours of excruciating waiting, “I Hope You Suffer” is uploaded to stream on AFI’s site. Hopefully a video is to come soon, but a two-day turnaround would have been ridiculous anyway. Official word confirms a July 23 release date for purchase.

July 23: Davey speaks. Rolling Stone published an interview with him today (July 23), where he talks everything Burials, and they officially name an October 22 release date. Here are some of the more interesting excerpts:

“It is certainly – embarrassingly so – a very dark album, especially in its candidness, which is something, to be honest, that’s disappointing to me. It’s something I just keep coming back to – I can’t escape it. It’s always a joy to me to reach away from that. But the themes and sentiments on this record are within that darker realm and that darker tone because I’ve always been honest in everything that I write. It’s beyond me. I’m crippled. There’s nothing I can do but be genuine in my writing, and that’s what came out this time – without any sort of pointed effort.”

“This album is very layered and very rich and far, far less straightforward than what we did on the last record, which – much like every record we create – was the result of a natural growth, a natural indication of where we are as songwriters now. This record has no chance of being anything else other than what it came to be. It was inside us in a way. I know that sounds a bit dramatic. But it’s true: When Jade and I began writing – two years ago, I believe – we were immediately quite prolific. The songs just came out, and they came out in relatively similar forms to the songs that people will hear on the record.”

“The writing has never been casual for us. It was similar to the last record in that we worked every day. But on this occasion, I’d been living a few miles away from Jade, and we would meet every day for about a year and a half until the record was done. Eventually, we started taking weekends off, but at the top of it, we would meet every day in a small room in the Hollywood Hills in my friend’s house, which is actually set into the hill…And we wrote a lot of songs as we typically do.”

“Jade and I tend to converge. Our writing process is somewhat surreal at times when we’ll be working on something, and we’ll have the exact same idea for a part in a song or a movement or a top-line or a conceptual part or a reference. And that was more prominent in this writing process – that reoccurance of that convergence of our visions – than any other record before.”

Also in today’s news is a slew of tour dates, as reported by Alternative Press. Tickets go on sale Thursday (July 25):

9/12 Minneapolis, MN Varsity Theater
9/13 Detroit, MI St. Andrews Hall
9/15 Chicago, IL Humboldt Park/Riot Fest
9/16 Cleveland, OH House of Blues
9/18 St. Louis, MO The Pageant
9/19 Lawrence, KS Granada Theater
9/21 Byers, CO May Farms, Riot Fest
10/7 Boston, MA Royale
10/8 Washington, DC 9:30 Club
10/11 Philadelphia, PA Theatre of Living Arts
10/12 Sayreville, NJ Starland Ballroom
10/13 New York, NY Webster Hall
10/14 Pittsburgh, PA Club Zoo
10/15 Cincinnati, OH Bogart’s
10/17 Houston, TX Warehouse Live
10/18 Austin, TX Mohawk
10/20 Tempe, AZ Marquee Theatre
10/22 Los Angeles, CA Henry Fonda Theatre
10/23 San Diego, CA House of Blues
10/25 Pomona, CA Fox Theater
10/26 Las Vegas, NV House of Blues
10/28 Santa Cruz, CA The Catalyst
10/29 Reno, NV Knitting Factory
10/31 Portland, OR Roseland Theatre
11/1 Seattle, WA The Showbox at the Market
11/2 Vancouver, BC The Commodore Ballroom

SEE YOU AT THE SHOW \m/

Hear and Now: Ivy Levan

15 Jul

So I was researching summer concert tours for my freelance gig and I was shocked to see a certain name listed on Fitz and the Tantrums’ tour: Ivy Levan.

It’s hard to believe it now, but I’d first stumbled upon Ivy about six years ago when she was still modelling in Payless ads and only had a few demos uploaded to a now-abandoned MySpace page (where she performed under the moniker “IV in Vein”).

She was dating a certain popular rock star, and while the scene kids loved to hate her for that, there was no denying her talent (check out early tracks “Miss Solitary (Pretend)” and “Empty“). Here’s some “vintage” footage of then-20-year-old Ivy showing off her studio space on Buzznet.com and proving that she’s come a long way since her first debut. At the time, she was more creepy rock ‘n’ roller than crooning pin up – but hey, a little re-branding is just what it takes sometimes.

Fast forward to now and Ivy’s reemerged on Cherrytree records as a self-described “swamp-hop,” soul-inspired pop singer with a brand new debut EP and industry endorsement to boot. She’s taken the top of Billboard’s Next Big Sound chart and made the front page of Vevo a couple times with her Introducing the Dame singles “Money” and “Hot Damn” (watch below).

It seems like this girl’s gone from 0 to 60 in a matter of weeks, but with a rare second chance and a voice like that, would you expect any less?

The BET Awards: A Night of Insane Jackets

1 Jul

The BET Awards were last night, and while the show aims to celebrate the best in black entertainment, the real stars of the show were the crazy jackets sported by performers.

This style trend transcends generations, with everyone from Miguel to Stevie Wonder stepping out in their most outrageous garb. R. Kelly even wore a hat to match his crazy jacket.

In the awards show spirit, I’m here to dish out some well-deserved recognition to the artists who put forth that little something extra in the form of a loud jacket.

1. 2 Chainz – Most On-Trend

Fringe is really in right now. Have you seen Tumblr lately?

2-Chainz

2. Miguel – Most Unconventional Embellishment

Is that human hair on Miguel’s shoulders?

Miguel

3. R. Kelly – Scariest Jacket

I like to imagine that he spent hours sitting in front of Lifetime hand studding the jacket himself.

R-Kelly

4. Stevie Wonder – Best Use of Non Sequitur Appliques

Stevie’s always been really into tribal prints, but lately he’s been going bold by wearing bizarre aboriginal-type masks on his jackets.

Stevie-Wonder

5. Justin Timberlake – Best Secretly Crazy Jacket

At first glance, his sport coat looks pretty standard. Upon closer inspection, however, one may see that the “Suit & Tie” singer’s shiny black textured jacket is hardly standard.

Justin-Timberlake

6. Charlie Wilson – Most Colorful

Because, duh.

Charlie-Wilson

David Guetta’s 5 Best Collabs with American Artists

25 Jun

Calvin Harris and Avicii can STFU – David Guetta was the original Euro-transplant pioneering EDM in American pop music before you even realized you’d heard him before.

Remember 2009’s little hit “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas? The song that holds the record for selling the most digital copies of any song ever? Yeah, that was produced by him.

And who tapped into the Aussie vocal talent that is Sia long before Flo Rida ever called her up to sing a hook? Right. Also Guetta.

And long before the producer ventured into the bizarro landscape of American Top 40 (which, compared to international charts, was severely lacking in dance music until about two years ago), he was making a name for himself in Europe with over 40 charting singles, including 18 top ten hits in his native France.

Now how does that make Avicii, who hasn’t even released his debut album yet, look? Sigh.

Guetta was the first to master the art of the American pop collab, which successfully broke him into the U.S. market and paved the way for all the Calvin Harris-es to come.

Here my top 5 Guetta collaborations with American artists. Let’s get nostalgic for 2010, y’all.

5. “When Love Takes Over,” featuring Kelly Rowland

4. “Missing You,” featuring Novel (son of Motown’s Mickey Stevenson)

3. “Where Them Girls At,” featuring Nicki Minaj and Flo Rida

2. “Sexy Bitch (Chick),” featuring Akon

1. “Who’s that Bitch (Chick),” featuring Rihanna

*BONUS*

“Stay,” featuring gospel singer Chris Willis

Also, can we talk about how solid Guetta is at holding his own against 20-something singers in music videos, despite being a married, 45-year-old father of two? Yeah.

A Play-By-Play of Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop” Video (SPOILER: It’s Aweful)

20 Jun

I have never heard this song nor seen the video until now.

0:05 – Beats Pill product placement. Okay, Nicki Minaj.

0:10 – Nooooo, what are you doinggggggg? A grill? Nooooo Miley, nooooo.

0:19 – Isn’t this a Rihanna video.

0:28 – Not enough EOS.

0:42 – Again, nooooo what are you doinggggg.

1:00 – 1:05 – why tho.

1:27 – God.

1:29 – Apparently no one told her that she actually can’t twerk even after that one video she did. Who let her do this?

1:44 – Minimale Animale swimwear is def making some bank off celeb endorsements, but sorry Miley, you just copied Iggy Azalea. NEXT.

1:49 – I have no reactions anymore.

2:35 – Honestly I’m done with this. Help.

2:55 – She’s dressed like Justin Bieber. But actually.

3:23 – No. Like no.

TL;DR: Rihanna did this like three years ago, a bunch of product placement, Miley still can’t twerk, the song is mediocre and the video makes it worse.

Remember how when the “Can’t Be Tamed” video came out, everyone freaked out because it was her first more “mature” effort as an artist? She was breaking away from Hannah Montana and wanted to be “taken seriously”? I think this is intended to be like that again, only I feel embarrassed for her because she clearly doesn’t realize she’s just made herself the butt of an unintended joke.

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